Everything You Need to Know About the Order
by Wishing-for-a-Wand
Summary: Sirius gives some free cousinly advice to Tonks about the various members of the Order of the Phoenix.


Everything You Need to Know About the Order

"So, what do you think?" Sirius gestured around the full room at the motley collection of people gathered. They did look like a strange group to be gathered in one place, and to anyone who didn't know, it would be impossible to guess what they were doing together.

My eyes followed his movement. "They're brilliant." I had only just met most of them, but I was already impressed, these people really were the best chance the resistance had. "You-Know-Who doesn't stand a chance!"

Sirius grinned. "And you haven't even seen them fight yet! They are better at talking than fighting, but they're pretty good at that too." He draped his arm around my shoulders and sighed contentedly. For a man recently out of prison and running from the law, he was surprisingly relaxed. "However, dear cousin. There are a few things you need to know about our 'brilliant' members."

I grinned back. "Gonna tell me all of their darkest secrets?" I asked my cousin.

"No, those are only revealed to older, more mature members of the Order." He only laughed when my elbow connected with his ribs, causing me to lose my balance and stumble. "But don't think I don't know them," he grinned. "I will, however, give you some advice."

I raised an eyebrow. Advice from my prankster cousin did not seem like the best idea, but I said nothing.

"Let's start with Hestia Jones," my cousin began, pointing across the room at a tall woman with a long braid falling down her back. "Beautiful, but not the most pleasant of women. She has refused to go out with me since the first war."

I snickered, and Sirius looked reproachful. "This is good information," he informed me, "You should be taking notes." He mimed writing with his free hand, and I swatted it away.

"I don't think I'll have a problem with her, if anything, you just proved her intelligence." Sirius sent a mock glare in my direction.

He cleared his throat. "Moving on. Dedalus Diggle. Stay as far away from him as possible when he's had coffee."

"Coffee?"

"Does strange things to his system." Sirius shook his head in confusion.

"And which one is he again?" I asked. I had met so many new faces tonight that I would be lucky to remember half of them.

Sirius scanned the crowd, and nodded towards a man spinning a purple bowler hat in his hands. "That'd be him. Looks like he may have had some coffee today, too."

I nodded. "Coffee bad, got it."

"Alastor Mad-Eye Moody. Don't make him mad."

I snorted. That would be the understatement of the year. "I went through Auror training with him. I think I know that."

Sirius shrugged. "Just reminding you. And don't ask him about missing buttocks."

I shot a questioning glance up at him, not sure I really wanted to know, to which he shrugged again. "Trust me. Now, Hagrid. Nice bloke. Reenforce your chairs. All of them."

I nodded. That was self-explanatory. The half giant and weak chairs would be a bad combination.

"Aberforth Dumbledore. Just don't bring up family issues."

"Isn't he Dumbledore's brother?"

"Yes, but mentioning that is not the best way to make friends. The Weasleys. Be careful when dealing with my cousin..."

I sent him a confused look. "Got something about me already?"

"Not you. Molly." At another look from me he clarified. "We're related somehow, so guess you are too. As long as you eat every meal she puts in front of you, comb your hair on occasion, and pretend to be surprised with her Christmas sweater, you'll have no trouble with her. And don't make her mad either. The response is different than Mad-Eye's but just as deadly."

This I knew. "I've dealt with Molly before, that is good advice though."

"Told you it was. Arthur Weasley. Great guy, but avoid conversation if you don't want to talk about how fascinating Muggles are. What with your dad being a Muggle-born, you're probably doomed."

"Been there, done that. But yeah, I'm doomed."

"Who else? Elphias Doge. Unless you're prepared for a eight hour conversation, do not go on guard duty with him. Send Remus. He's nice and listens, whereas I tend to fall asleep. Minerva McGonagall. Most of my advice abut her comes from my school days."

At the fond look on his face I raised an eyebrow. There was a different set of rules entirely. "She can't put you in detention now, so you should be safe. I think that's about it. Everything you need to know about the Order."

"What about him?" I asked, pointing to a tall, shabby looking man talking to Dumbledore. "Any advice there?"

Sirius followed my gaze, and a smile touched his lips. "Ah, yes, Moony. Where to begin?" My cousin stroked his chin thoughtfully. "He gets a little grumpy around the full moon. Not that he can help it, of course. He knows everything, and is never more than ten paces away from a book. Usually a big, thick one without pictures. He has a somewhat unhealthy addiction to Honeydukes' chocolate, and though he claims it's in case of a Dementor attack, he always has some with him. And he's a werewolf. But the most important thing you need to know about Remus John Lupin is that he is a man. And a good one at that. A gentleman, devious prankster when he wants to be, and the best friend you could ask for."

I looked curiously at the man my cousin was describing. "Wow, is that all?"

Sirius turned back to me and shrugged. "Anything else you'll have to ask him yourself. And so there you have it, Nymphadora." He paid me no mind when the use of my name gained him my most intimidating glare. "That is everything you need to know about the Order."


End file.
